We, humans, love people’s approval. We love to seek people’s opinions. We love to gain people’s support. We love to gather people’s feedback. Seeking people’s approval is a human trait as we all desire to be accepted. It is when that desire to be accepted extends beyond us remaining true to ourselves and maintaining healthy boundaries that we fall into people pleasing. This occurs when you, then, began to appease people even if it brings no pleasure or displeasure to yourself. You began to silently suffer and dwell in emotional distress just so people will remain close to you. When people don’t approve of who you are, what you do, or how you perform, you reveal just how important people’s approval is to you by conforming to their standards. When people don’t show their support for you, you began to “feel some type of way” and deem them as “moving funny”. But at what point will you draw the line when it comes to the extent to which you are willing to go to please others and obtain their approval? Let’s Talk!
In order to effectively overcome, you must understand that there is a difference between seeking approval and people pleasing. Although they are closely related, they are not the same. As mentioned above, seeking people’s approval is a human trait which is healthy when it stems from a place of valuing relationship while maintaining boundaries and remaining true to yourself. Seeking people’s approval becomes people pleasing when that desire exceeds and overrides those factors. People pleasing can stem from seeds of rejection, abandonment, lack of nurturing during childhood, childhood traumas, abuse, low self-esteem, fear, a lack of boundaries, cultural experiences, and religious experiences. You cannot overcome what you do not explore. The key to overcoming people pleasing behaviors is to identify the seed(s). This is where a lot of us adults freeze up. Exploring our childhood experiences that we “swept under the rug” sounds so painful. The fear and anxiety that creeps up when we think of “going back” and talking about the things which “happened in that house, stayed in that house”. Knowing that debunking unresolved emotions and restricted thoughts that we used to form today’s identity threatens “who we have become”. We “got over it” only by suppressing it. We “worked through it” by prayer alone. We desired to address it, but we then decided to “let the past be the past”. We thought about therapy but deemed it only for “crazy people”.
And even after all of that, we have to go a little further. What do you do when your natural desire for people’s approval is challenged by God’s desire for you to seek His approval alone? What do you do when He desires for you to obey the sound from Heaven instead of people’s sounds? What do you do when you are facing the challenge of surrendering to God’s call versus staying in the limitations that people have attempted to place you in? What do you do when your desire to obtain your pastor’s approval causes conflict with your desire to ensure that you obtaining God’s approval? We must confess that there is a conflict when we desire to seek people’s approval over God’s approval as we cannot fully do both. What do you do when you are facing God, and He desires for you to “pick a side”?
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” -Galatians 1: 10
“But Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than any human authority.” -Acts 5:29
“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. Many seek the ruler’s favor, but justice comes from the Lord.” -Proverbs 29:25&26
“For I have come to you in My Father’s name, and you have rejected me. Yet if others come in their own name, you gladly welcome them. No wonder you can’t believe! For you gladly honor each other, but you don’t care about the honor that comes from the One who alone is God.” -John 5:44
“For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.” -1 Thessalonians 2:4
Ensure that your desire to gain God’s approval outweighs your desire to gain man’s approval. Ttyl!
Real Talk with Keve 