When God breaks your heart!

Maybe you’ve suffered the loss of a loved one. Maybe you didn’t get the job you fasted and prayed for. Maybe your partner has unexpectedly decided to end the relationship with you. Maybe your child has deemed you unfit and turned to the streets for comfort. Maybe you’re in the middle of a divorce from what seemed to be a fixable situation. Maybe you finally found the strength to walk away from a toxic, abusive relationship and now you feel lost. Maybe you’re homeless and see no shelter in sight. Maybe you finally conceived and your unborn child that you’d fallen in love with is now your guardian angel. Maybe you’ve “done it all right” and still not seen any results. Maybe your spouse has committed adultery, and you are broken. Maybe grief has set in and overwhelmed you. Maybe you feel so much pain that you’ve become displeased with God. So tell me, what do you do when it feels as if God has “broken your heart” after certain situations did not go the way you had planned? Let’s Talk!

Of course, I’ve been here before or this wouldn’t be a Real Talk topic. When I was 10 years old, my maternal grandmother died from pancreatic cancer. She was literally here with us talking one day and gone the next day. My heart was broken as I had looked at my grandmother as my idol. She was such an amazing person to me, and everyone that ever came into contact with Flora Jean Jones has a story to tell about her and her personality. During my early teen years, I began to learn more about God and came to know that He had the power to heal. My heart was broken even further, and I became displeased with God. I thought, “Why my grandmother? Why didn’t God heal her like He had done so many others?” It took me a while to finally “face God” regarding my displeasure with His will for my grandmother’s life. I realized that the time filled with anger, hurt, tears and displeasure was wasted when my mother found a letter that my grandmother had written sometime during her illness. This letter was titled, “To Those Whom I Leave”, and it was tucked away in my grandmother’s Bible. In the letter, my grandmother was speaking of the love she had for her family, how she knew she was dying, how she looked forward to heaven, how we should accept her death, how we should grieve but also pick up from where she had left off, etc. What really intrigued me were the parts where she was encouraging us to walk in God’s steps, trust His guidance, be prepared for changes to occur, reach out to God as He is reaching out to us, know that she was going to a place that she described as “full of joy and peace”, and that she would be awaiting our arrival. Reading that letter made me realize that I had spent a lot of time displeased with God when, on the other hand, my grandmother was prepared to leave us and this earth behind and meet Him. Not me thinking God had “broken my heart” when in all actuality He had answered my grandmother’s prayers. After reading that letter, I cried like a baby and repented immediately afterwards.

What I had little knowledge of at that time was: how pancreatic cancer had infected my grandmother’s body and taken over, how long my grandmother had battled her cancer, how she had elected to have treatments which were ineffective, how much she had suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally, how she had made preparations for her own death. It was after reading that letter than I realized how selfish I was for desiring her healing on earth while she looked forward to her healing in heaven. It also made me realize how foolish I was for entertaining thoughts of how God had intentionally “broken my heart” by not healing my grandmother and restoring her life.

That letter changed my entire perspective of my grandmother, God and life. You see, I hadn’t ever heard my grandmother speak about God, but according to that letter and my mother, she knew Him and had a relationship with Him. God had the perfect plan for my grandmother’s life and death. My plans would’ve obviously been the lesser fulfilling if my grandmother would’ve had to continue to live a life with cancer.

Can you think of any moments in your life where you felt as if God had “broke your heart”? How did that affect your relationship with God? Was the impact positive or negative? Have you repented for any negative thoughts or actions towards God that you may have entertained? Have you realized that God’s plan is always the perfect plan no matter what the circumstance looks or feels like?

I encourage you to search your heart for any ill feelings that may be rooted within it due to disappointment when things didn’t go the way you desired or expected them to go. Although your situation may not have occurred or ended as you had desired or planned for it, know that God has a perfect plan for you that is far greater than you could ever imagine. Also realize that most of the time, the plan does not look like the one that you’ve plotted out for yourself.

Read, dissect, and meditate on Deuteronomy 32:39, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 147:3, Proverbs 3:5&6, Proverbs 19:21, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, and Ephesians 3:20.